If your partner is the forgetful type, it's nice to give them little reminders to help them out. For instance, reminding them that their sister's birthday party is on Saturday or that they have an early meeting scheduled on Tuesday, is totally fine. As McBain says, you can remind your partner of things in order to be helpful to potentially make their life a little easier. But when it comes to reminding them about tasks like taking out the trash or washing the dishes right after they eat, sometimes being "helpful" can come off as nagging. "At some point you have to let the less important things go, or else you end up in the dreaded 'nagging parent' role," she says.
The problem with babying your partner is it creates the expectation that you're going to do it all the time. Maybe that's OK with you for now. But five or even ten years from now playing the "parent" role can cause resentment.
So if you have a habit of babying your partner, Birch suggests tapping in to your internal filter. "Start passing tasks under the 'could they do this themself right now?' category," she says. For instance, can they do their own laundry today? Yes? OK, cool. So let them do it.
"In many modern partnerships, you both do your fair share of labor — emotional, professional, and otherwise," Birch says. "If you set up the dynamic very early on that you’ll be adopting more work than feels balanced, it’s hard to break out of that."
Remember, you're their partner, not their parent. So as much as you can, try not to put yourself in that role. Your relationship will be much better for it.
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